Dicta Blog

I opened my refrigerator late yesterday afternoon and realized I had nothing for dinner.  So, I decided to make a run to the grocery store.  Bad move. Little did I know, a “winter weather watch” had just hit the airwaves.  I probably would’ve done better to fill up on crackers and call it a night.

What is it about a little bit of snow that makes people storm out for groceries like rabid squirrels stocking up for winter?

I can see taking quick trip to the store to pick up a few snacks when you know you may be stuck in the house for a day. But, to rush out for milk, eggs, and white bread when a mere three inches of snow are headed your way? You’d think the apocalypse was coming (and even then, why a person would need such a hearty supply of eggs is beyond me).

The storm shopper is not a breed to mess with, especially when it comes the all-powerful carb. One such specimen in the bread department gave me the eyes of death when I reached for the last package of Pepperidge Farm on the shelf. Were I a sensible girl, I probably would’ve removed my hand from the loaf and backed away slowly. Thankfully, I’m a rebel. My newly acquired sandwich bread and I hightailed it out of the area, leaving dagger-eyes to choose from the lonely loaves of wheat bread left on the shelves.  I guess whole grains aren’t prime for snow survival.

The dairy section wasn’t any better. One woman loaded no less than four gallons of milk into her cart while warning, “storm’s coming,” to other shoppers trying to share in the milk madness.  Maybe this lady has thirsty kids.  Or maybe she just really likes milk.  In any case, if she’s going to consume that quantity of milk in the period of time it takes for a few inches of snow to melt in New Jersey, she might as well invest in her own emergency-heifer.  It’d probably be a hell of a lot cheaper.

The best part? As expected, no one’s snowed in. The roads are clear. Everyone can sleep soundly knowing that they made it through the “storm”.  All that’s left to do now is figure out what to do with those hoards of bread and survival eggs.

French toast, anyone?